Free Write for Narrative Essay

So, here we are.

Well, I'm not sure there's really a we. I'm sitting alone in a walled-off room of the library, as I usually do when I need to hunker down and write. Given that this essay is due come next Monday, sitting down and writing is something I kind of need to do, either through willingness or force. That's why I'm free-writing right now, in order to get the juices flowing, because if I'm to be entirely honest, I don't know what my brain wants to write about.

I've had two ideas in my head for awhile now. I can write about the experience of Eilish's suicide attempt, or I can write about sailing and some crazy story involving that. With Eilish's suicide attempt, I have the advantage of lots of feelings and recent experience, but the disadvantage of a lack of knowledge to braid in. With sailing, I have the advantage of expert knowledge to the point where I could write pages about sailing itself, but no solid idea for an actual narrative story type thing.

Though, considering it, is Eilish's suicide attempt really a topic I can write about? If I think about it, her suicide attempt was really only the catalyst for a larger over-all experience. Yes, those hours where we didn't know if she would live or not were terrifying and tragic, but they were over with quickly, and since then, what has really struck my heart has been my family and how we're all reacting to things, and especially what Eilish told us her secret was. What I could really write about, maybe, or at least, what maybe wants to get out of my head, is the experience with the family. But that's also raw and uncensored and still fresh, and I am unsure what sort of exposition to weave with it.

So then, is sailing better? Or maybe skiing? I could write about technique and injuries, maybe even history of skis being used to explore the unknown. Or what about ski patrol? My knowledge of medicine is still rusty, but aren't there so many stories I could take from that? Isn't that something you've used as examples in plenty of essays before?

So, now we come to a different choice altogether. Sailing, or ski patrol? I'd have to decide on some kind of solid narrative for both. Sailing is good for little stories, funny things that happened on the water. For the most part sailing is a long, relatively flat journey, much like the ocean itself, and there isn't much to say about it. I could write about hitting a whale, but that's a short story. Maybe about the thunder squam? Or trying to get past waves at the mouth of the channel? Those are all little stories, though. Connecting them, while possible, isn't something I have immediate inspiration for.

So what about ski patrol, then? Maybe I can pick out a story more easily from there. The one that immediately jumps to mind is my first Code 3, the woman who had punctured her spleen and was bleeding out internally. I held her head while my instructors did their jobs, and mine was to make sure she didn't move her c-spine at all. Blunt trauma of that level meant that we could never rule out a c-spine injury, so I stood and kneeled and took whatever position I had to that allowed me to keep a flat palm on either side of her head, while I looked down at her scared face and watch it drain of color in a matter of minutes, watched her wild eyes slow and her terrified expression slacken as she lost more and more blood. I stood over her and watched and said everything I could think of to comfort her while she slowly started to die. That might be a worthwhile experience to write about. And ski patrol might be a worthwhile experience to write about. It has knowledge and facts and exposition that I don't think I'll even need to separate from the narrative, because they're part of the narrative.

So there we go. A whole new idea to try. Probably a whole new idea to go with. I spent the last two weeks trying to decide between two ideas and thinking of stuff for those two ideas, and now I'm Taking A Third Option. Typical muse. You never let me know what you really want. I have to coax you and ease you out of hiding by writing or thinking or whatever, and hope that what I heard you whisper is what you actually meant. So lets go. Lets do this. Once more into the breach.